‘Good. I am glad of that,’ I said, and I was, but my words came out dully. It was not just the shock of discovering that Harvest Fest was tomorrow. I felt plundered of dignity and control of my life. And oddly freed by it. The decision of when and how to tell Molly that I lived had been taken from me. She had seen me. She knew I lived. Perhaps the next move was hers. And the thought that followed that plunged me into an abyss. Perhaps she had already made it. She had walked away from me.
‘Fitz?’ I became aware that Chade had spoken to me several times when he touched me on the arm. I twitched and came back to awareness of the people at the table. Dutiful looked sympathetic, Nettle distant, and Thick bored. Chade rested a hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘Would you report to the coterie on where you have been and what happened to you? I have my suspicions, but I’d like them confirmed.’
Habit made me begin from the last time he’d heard from me. I was blithely telling them of entering the Black Man’s abode when I suddenly became reluctant to share all the Fool had said. So I looked at my hands on the table and summarized it, leaving out as many of the intimate details as I could. Of those who sat at the table, only Chade perhaps had a glimmering of what my parting from the Fool meant. Without thinking, I said aloud, ‘But I did not go back, and you say I’ve been gone over a month. I do not know what they will make of that absence. I want to go back, but now I fear the pillars as I never have before.’
‘And well you should, if what I have read in the Skill-scrolls you brought back is an indicator. But more of that, later. Tell the rest.’
And so I did, of leaving and claiming the scrolls and disposing of the woman’s body. Chade was fascinated by the Elderling magic of lights and warmth, and asked many questions about the cubes of memory stone that I could not answer. I saw him already itching to attempt the trip and explore for himself that magically-charged realm. I went on to Prilkop’s farewell, and then to my endless passage through the pillars. When I spoke of the being who had rescued me, Dutiful sat up very straight. ‘Like the ones from our time on the Others’ beach.’
‘Like and not like. I think there, our minds were in their world. In the pillars, my body was there as well. Since I’ve returned, I’ve felt … strange. More alive in some ways. More connected, to even the tiniest bits of this world. And yet more alone, also.’ And then I fell silent. There seemed nothing to add to my account. I glanced at Nettle. She met my gaze with a neutral little look that said I meant nothing to her and never had.
Chade seemed to feel he had enough to ponder, for he pushed back from the table like a man who has finished a substantial meal. ‘Well. A tale that will take some thought to sort out, and enough lessons for now. All of us have tasks to get to with Harvest Fest just around the corner. There will be a gathering tonight, in the Great Hall, with music and jugglers and dancing and tales. Many of our Outislander friends will be there, as well as all our dukes. I shall see the rest of you there tonight, I am sure.’
When they continued to sit and look at him, he added heavily, ‘And I would speak privately with Fitz now.’
Thick stood up. So did Nettle. ‘After I speak privately with Fitz,’ Dutiful announced calmly.
Thick looked perplexed, but immediately added, ‘Me, too.’
‘Not I,’ Nettle said coolly as she walked toward the door. ‘I can’t imagine anything I’d ever want to say to him.’
Thick stood rooted in place, his eyes darting from Nettle to Dutiful. He was obviously torn. I managed to dredge up a smile for him. ‘You and I will have lots of time later, Thick. I promise.’
‘Ya,’ he agreed abruptly, and managed to catch the door before it had completely closed behind Nettle. He followed her out. Dutiful gave Chade a glance and the councillor retreated to stand by the window looking out over the sea. Plainly it was not what Dutiful wanted. Just as plainly, the power struggle between councillor and prince continued. I looked at Dutiful. He sat down in the chair next to me and drew it closer. He spoke softly and I expected to hear of his concerns with the Narcheska and his betrothal. ‘I’ve talked with her a lot about you. She’s angry with you right now, but I think if you’ll give her time, she can calm down enough to listen to you.’
It took me a moment. ‘Nettle?’
‘Of course.’
‘You talked about me a lot with her?’ Better and better, I thought sourly to myself. Dutiful sensed my dismay.
‘I had to,’ he said defensively. ‘She was saying things like, “He abandoned my mother when she was pregnant, and never came to see me at all.” I couldn’t let her just say things like that, let alone believe them. So I’ve told her the truth, as you told it to me.’
‘Fitz?’ He spoke a few moments later.
‘Oh. Sorry. Thank you.’ I couldn’t even recall what I had been thinking.
‘You’ll like her brothers. I do. Chivalry’s a bit full of himself, but I think it’s a bluff to make up for how frightened he is of all the changes. Nimble is nothing like Swift. I never met two twins less alike. Steady lives up to his name, while Just chatters like a magpie. And Hearth, he’s the youngest, all he does is run and giggle and try to get his brothers and Nettle to wrestle with him. He’s not afraid of anyone or anything.’
‘They’re all here for Harvest Fest.’
‘At the Queen’s invitation. Because Swift will be recognized and Burrich honoured.’
‘Of course.’ I looked at the table between my hands. Did I fit anywhere in any of this?
‘Well, I suppose that’s all I wanted to say. I’m glad you’re better. And I think Nettle will come about, if you give her time. She feels tricked. I warned you she would. Oddly enough, I think that what made her angriest was that you disappeared like that. She took it personally, somehow. But I think she’ll reconsider her opinion of you, if you give her time.’
‘I don’t think I’ve much choice in it.’
‘No, I don’t suppose you do. But I didn’t want you to think it was hopeless and give up and go off somewhere to avoid seeing her. Your place is at Buckkeep now. So is hers.’
‘Thank you.’
He glanced aside from me. ‘I can’t tell you what it means to me to have her here at court. She’s so outspoken and blunt. I never was friends with a girl like I can be with her. I suppose it’s because we’re cousins.’
I nodded, unsure how true it was, but glad of it all the same. If she had the Prince’s friendship, she had a powerful protector at court.